Saturday, February 1, 2014

Pissing people off

Yes, I should cite this, but I don't know where it came from.
I am sure whoever wrote this will be more than happy, that
I wrote this fantastic post around their meme.

I am a little drunk. Actually, I am not. I am stone-cold sober, but the phrase, “I am a little drunk”, is usually the comment I start a post on which I rant and rave. It’s like my check-out clause, so that you know what I am going to say is going to be offensive to probably some people. I use it, I suppose to keep the prudes happy.

But, why should I? Seriously, what does it matter who I piss off? Why should I waste effort trying to keep people -who are over-sensitive to things that frankly don’t matter- happy?

A Facebook friend of mine had posted the above Meme on her wall. It got me thinking. Okay, it got me close to the point of thinking ;)

In life, we seemed to spend a lot of time trying to keep other people happy. In fact, some people go out of their way to try and keep everyone happy. The end result is usually failure, anxiety and paranoia that ‘someone, somewhere, may have got the wrong idea’. That’s Shit.

My Son –as this blog has mentioned on numerous occasions- is Autistic. It is fantastic. There are times I wish we all were autistic, because when it comes to dealing with the social scene, they pretty much have the right idea.  They say it as it is, and don’t (generally) care what you say to them in return. Think, how much easier would our lives be if we all lived a little –okay, a lot- like this. I could tell you that the shirt you are wearing is hideous, and instead of getting upset about it, you think, “okay, thanks for your opinion” and you wander off in your own happy world. No, “I shouldn’t say that”, or any, “but X doesn’t like me because they said…”. We just say what’s on our mind and get on with living life the way we want. How brilliant is that?

Abraham Lincoln once said:
“You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”

How right he was! And how often we forget this.
The situation is that, no matter what you do, someone somewhere will not like you. In fact, they may detest you; possibly for reasons beyond your control. You cannot please everyone.
Nor should you. That’s the other side of the coin. I don’t see how spending all of your energy trying to please everyone is in societies interest. The reason we try to please everyone, is because deep down, we all want people to like us. Generally, the people that like us have the same ideals and politics as us. It’s part of being a tribe – that we should all be pulling in the same direction.
Yet, everyone thinking and acting the same, isn’t good for a society. Without conflict and debate a culture stagnates. There is never any progress in a society when everyone has –or is forced to have- the same ideals.  This is why it is important for you, NOT to try and please everyone.
When this meme came up on my newsfeed, I shared it with the comment:
“I would take pissing people off anytime. Not only do you not have to pretend to be what others want, but you also save energy not having to deal with negative people. Win, win in my book. “

When you try to please everyone, the only way it works is by not being yourself: You have to be the person that X, Y, Z would like. How in the world is that healthy? What do you gain by trying to be someone else? Some friends, who frankly think more of their own views than want to listen to what you really think, will like you? Are they really your friends? Are they really people you should hang around with?

The person you are is perfectly fine. You can –and in my view should- be wild, silly, carefree, infantile and rude. You should piss people off when they need it. Just keep it in the broad society rules; like not killing people or hitting them with mallets.

If people can’t accept the way you are, or the decisions you make, then they aren’t worth the time and energy trying to convince. People who won’t make the time to see your side of the fence, or are openly hostile to your side of the fence, will only bring you down over time. It’s fine to preserver, but there will potentially come a point, where the effort you are expending is only giving you negative responses. It’s okay to walk away from a hostile situation. No one will care if you do, and you may find that more will respect your decision to exit a poisonous relationship.

When we accept that we will not please everyone, we should also give ourselves permission not to like other people. There will always be people that we don’t get on with or we don’t like. That’s okay.
One of my friends once mentioned over coffee once, that there was one person that frankly she couldn’t stand. They have a history, but that history has culminated to the situation, where if placed in a room with this said person, and a meat cleaver, then I wouldn’t count the odds of this person walking away with all bodily appendages. Her comment at the end of this diatribe was, “isn’t that awful?”
Umm, no. There are people that I detest, and frankly sometimes, I don’t even have a good excuse. I just don’t like them to the point that it’s best for everyone if we stayed apart. I am not going to worry about pleasing someone I am never going to get on with.
 Yet, I do insist I keep people as friends who have different views, lifestyles or opinions than me.  Even if their views are the complete anti-thesis of mine, and their views irritate me to the point of screaming, I will still try to keep them as friends. We all need people like this in our lives. As I have said, society only grows when everyone has different ideas; we, as people only grow, if we accept the right of people to have different opinions to ourselves, and we place our arguments in a constructive way. It is always good to have your attitudes challenged; you end up either validating your view, or if you are very lucky, you end up changing your view.
So what am I saying? Not sure really; like most of my posts there was a point at the beginning, but it has been lost in my ramblings.
I think this post boils down to: It’s okay to piss off other people and likewise it’s okay for people to piss you off in return. Don’t change who you are for someone else and if you make a decision that everyone hates, then ‘Stuff ‘em!’. If they are unwilling to listen to your reasons, then they aren’t worth arguing with.  Unless you are a complete prat, the reasoning behind your decisions are probably good ones.
Just chill out about it. If you are still having problems saying what you mean to the point where you may upset people, then just tell them, “Kate told me to say it”. I am okay with people not liking me – especially people I don’t know. Feel free to use me as an excuse. I could be like that imaginary friend you had when you were six; the one who always made you eat the cookies and draw on the walls. Fine, I wasn’t six, but thirty-six when I did that, and it wasn’t cookies but wine. The drawing on the walls was probably true though.

Just remember the phrase, “Kate told me to say it” and your life will be a lot easier :)

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