Friday, February 14, 2014

Girl Love. There is a point to this post... I think.

Yes, it’s Friday. I have drunk a few glasses of wine and I am in the situation where I have no brain-to-mouth filter.

It’s valentines’ day, and as is usual given the day, it’s a day of professing your love or commiserating your lack of it on Social Media sites. It’s the day where we all validate our existence through the fact that someone out there loves us.

Really? We have a day dedicated to that? That’s a bit shit isn’t it? I mean, isn’t showing how much we love someone a 365 day affair? Why confine it to one day?

It’s also the day, where it seems to be a case of ‘girl loves boy’ and ‘boy loves girl’. I suppose in the scheme of things, I am not in a position where I should comment. After all the ‘love-of-my-life’ is in fact male. I have loved him for eighteen years, and I would like to think that through anything, we would still love each other (in some way) in eighteen years time.

Anyway, I drunkenly digress. I have just read a post by my friend Vanessa about ‘Girl Love’. It’s an old post, but the point she makes still stands.

‘Girl Love’ shouldn’t be a quagmire. ‘Girl Love’ only exists when the women involved love themselves first.

I have never been a ‘Girlie Girl’. I couldn’t understand it. What was with the emphasis on getting boys to like you? Why did I need to wear make-up? Why did I have to giggle and other people (namely girls) misfortune?

When I was about fourteen, a boy at my school professed his ‘love/like/crush’ on me. I was a geek, unconventional and a hair-cut which utilized a mixing bowl. (Not kidding on the last point). I made this poor boys life hell. I had so little self-confidence that I couldn’t believe anyone would like me. I listened to my friends (all girls), who convinced me that the only reason he liked me was the fact he wanted to play a joke.

I learnt from that experience. Boys, girls and frankly anyone wouldn’t love me if I didn’t like myself. I went on a journey full of ‘ups-and-downs’, which lasted over a decade, on loving and accepting myself.

That learning process has led me to some interesting discoveries.

 I am okay. I make mistakes, but generally, I get through life. That’s okay and I will take those odds. Making it through life is good enough for me. Everything else is just icing.

I have accepted who I am, even if society hasn’t. I am a complex person. I do not do the generic roles society has laid out for me and I know I am okay with that. I love women as much as men and frankly I can’t understand why the world doesn’t operate the same view. I will never be a super-model, high-earning, business focused woman who thinks everyone is out to get her. I am also not the 1950’s Stepford wife who feels her only role is to fulfill another person (mainly a man).

I can’t understand this bitchiness. Why do people have to be snide? Why do they think everyone has a different agenda? Why is it my role to make everyone like me? It has taken me a long while to realize that people only bitch out of insecurity. The phrase, “it’s not me, it’s them” when utilized too often is actually a reflection on yourself. People aren’t after me, my husband, my life. Why pretend on a false image when it’s only you that loses?

Girl love is okay.  It’s okay to like (and love or admire other women). Other women inspire us. They provide the foundation of a caring relationship. I have made no secret that my first real love was a woman. Why did I love her? She was unique, different and she was not afraid to show it. I loved her because she was showing me the person I wanted to be. I admire a lot of women and that’s because they are showing inner strengths to themselves. They are showing themselves without pretension or falseness. They are showing me how to be a better person and that’s a good thing.

I am not after your life. There is this underlying idea that if you are a women then everyone is out to get you. If you know a man, then they are after your job, pay and position. If you know a woman, then they are after your social standing, your partner and your life. Get over yourself! Really? Women have been the under-dogs for a long time that we have felt everyone is against us?
Trust me, we aren’t. I may like you. I may think your husband is great. I may admire the job you have, but trust me, I am no way wanting to replace my life with yours. I admire you. I know you got where you are with hard work. I know you have the family you have with love and devotion you have given. I know I can’t go and walk in and get it. Frankly, I love myself and I love my life. I wouldn’t want your life if it came up and bit me, because I love who I am and the decisions I HAVE made.

Okay, another glass of wine and a showing of ‘The Lego Movie’ trailer movie and I am distracted.

I suppose the point is, that you only get love when you love yourself. I suppose the point I am trying to make is that if there is one person you should send a Valentines’ card to, it’s should be yourself. Stop trying to break down my life with your insecurities. Realise that I am who I am and learn to love yourself a little bit more.


It might make all of our lives a little easier. Just be yourself.

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