Four weeks ago I injured my knee running a local trail race. Since then I have had examinations, scans, tests and everything else that goes along with being injured. I have had suspected causes, vague guesses and hints about when I can go back to running.
And yet the jury is still out. I have finally received my MRI results and in some ways the news is good and some ways it's bad. I haven't damaged the cartilage, I haven't torn any ligaments, it appears I won't need surgery. YEA!!! Let's bounce up and down in rejoice. This is what my physiotherapist suspected and I was hopeful that it could mean a speedy return to running. My knee has been feeling pretty good. It twinges, it aches, but I have been walking about, I can put weight on it, I have even been doing some light training on the elliptical and a load of physiotherapy at home.
But, oh, okay, small undisplaced fracture of medial tibial plateau. That doesn't sound so good. Even so, that could be just a stress fracture - I have had those before and this is mild compared to that. Then I make the mistake of "googling" it on the interweb thingie. WHY did they decide to invite the medical community onto the internet? It's like those books hypochondriacs buy to discover they are dying of a rare disease when all they have is a case of indigestion. It does no good.
The more I looked the more I wish I hadn't. Knee casts/braces for up to 16 weeks. Yeah, right, like that is going to happen. I have a 6 year old and 8 weeks of summer camps and activities. No weight bearing, crutches *swear violently* ... This is when I decided to walk away from the computer and adopt the technique I have been adopting lately; ignorance and alcohol! I await what the Orthopaedic surgeon says -well whenever I manage to get in to see him, this is Canada after all.
I have been carrying along just fine over the last few weeks; I am still relatively chilled out and relaxed. I have had enough to occupy myself and I have taken the rest from running as a gift. Like a heat-filled vacation in the sun -except summer is skipping Vancouver it seems and we have had very little sun or warmth so far. I have used the time catching up on things. Spending time with D who is now off school, seeing all of the wonderful things coming out of the "Run Smiley Collective", sleep, you know the simple things in life.
I find (at the moment) I am still running smiley, I am just not doing the running bit. I am still finding the small things in life to rejoice in. Although I can't run through the woods, it doesn't stop me walking through them (well until the Orthopeadic surgeon decides otherwise that is). It doesn't stop me planning what is still to come.
My virtual Facebook brother Jesse, wrote:
"You can't have good without bad. You can't have hard without easy. You can't feel elation if you never know pain. The care free feeling of an easy run is amazing- you coast down the sidewalk or trail, floating under your own power, feeling like you could go on for hours. You smile at neighbors, stop to play with dogs, and take in the views. [...] On the other side, there's a joy in the hard run that is almost beyond words".
This is my hard run. This is the challenge I have to go through to truly appreciate what it will feel like at the other side. I have so many exciting things happening with my running that are yet to come, that I am enjoying this hard road. I know my running may now be a long time coming (well longer than I hoped), but that first mile of running under my own power will be so much sweeter.
So I am still Running Smiley, it just happens to be that my race involves no running what-so-ever. I am just living Smiley, Chilling-smiley, just, well... smiley
(Saying that.. come back to me in 4 weeks time when I am ready to scrape the wallpaper off the walls and I snarl if you come in a 50 mile radius).